I just need things to be simple. For a little while at least. I need things to flow, be easy, and just work. I need to start being on time to work, have a handle on my kids, actually get projects and work DONE, and be able to post a bit more regularly. But I feel like I’m failing at just about all of these things. I feel like I’m just playing catchup and each day I slip a little further back on the path no matter how fast I think I’m running towards my goal. I know in my head that I’m not alone in this feeling. Most people feel like they aren’t accomplishing as much as they could. But the problem with this whole feeling inadequate feeling is that it isolates you. In those moments it makes you feel like you are the only one who just can’t get their act together. 
This morning I actually woke up on time (for the most part). I had great intentions of getting ready, getting the baby ready, and getting to work on time for once. I’d be super productive, finish off my left over tasks from Friday and things would be good. One thing slipped into another and next thing you know I’m an hour late. I think being late first thing in the morning just sets the tone for the whole day. Once you’ve lost time, there’s very little you can do to make it up. You can’t exactly create time. I barely make it in to my daughter’s daycare in time for breakfast, and just that accomplishment makes me want to cry with relief. Of course in that moment of emotional turbulence I’m reminded by one of the daycare workers that I still haven’t tried out a few foods for the baby at home so they can incorporate it in her diet at daycare. I know she meant it as a sweet reminder, but all I hear is, “You are starving your child. You are a horrible mother. Why are you putting trivial things before your child’s health and wellbeing? You suck at life.” 
Again, I know, this feeling is nothing new. Millions of people feel this and it will pass. But at that moment it just escalates. I start looking at my life and comparing it with everyone else’s. Coworkers are dressed professionally, being productive and completing projects while I’m barely treading water. More like on the verge of drowning. Bloggers are posting regularly with great content, well thought out recipes, and properly styled photos. I don’t think I’ve posted in weeks. I’m imagining kids in my other daughter’s class being on top of their reading / writing, eating well balanced meals, and overall living perfect childhoods. On the other hand, my kid wears mismatched clothes and had rice and beans for dinner last night. 
So I just need things to be simple for a little while. I need to talk myself down from this hysterical crazy woman edge and remind myself of the reality of some of these scenarios. My kid is dressing herself. That’s a huge deal. She wears what she wants and in her mind it matches, so why do I want to stifle that creativity? Also she asked for rice and beans, and not a bag of chips. It’s a healthy enough meal and again, at least she’s eating. And so is the little one. She is not starving. Am I a little behind on some of the solids? Yes sure. Is it the end of the world? Absolutely not! Things are still ok! 
Life is not just the stuff that is happening around us / to us, it’s also how we deal with it. Yes I had a crappy morning, but it’s now the afternoon and things are looking better. I’m making a plan for myself. This plan will fail like all my other plans, but this is me trying. I’ll try to watch a little less TV in the evening and use that time more efficiently. Like setting out my clothes for the morning, or wrapping up a post that’s been sitting idle on my machine for a while. I’ll focus on the little tasks that take just a few minutes instead of those huge daunting ones. And maybe I’ll make some more cake. Preferably with this crazy-insanely-easy-where-have-you-been-all-my-life-seriously-only-takes-a-few-minutes chocolate frosting. If you know me or have read my blog, you already know I have a fool-proof one-bowl chocolate cake recipe that I swear by. This frosting recipe is it’s kindred spirit. Deb from Smitten Kitchen likes to whip it up in a food processor, but I prefer my hefty stand mixer. You can easily (EASILY!) use a hand mixer as well. It comes together in no time, is the perfect ratio of chocolate and sweetness, and pairs so perfectly with a simple chocolate or vanilla cake. Give it a try and let me know. 
- 2 ounces unsweetened chocolate, melted and cooled
- 1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
- 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, at room temperature
- 1 tablespoons cream or whole milk
- 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
- Beat butter until smooth (about a minute)
- Scrape down bowl. Add powdered sugar and beat until fully incorporated. Scrape down bowl and beat for an additional 2 minutes until it's fluffy again
- Pour in melted chocolate, milk / cream, and vanilla extract. Beat for 2 minutes. Scrape down the bowl and beat for an additional minute or two until fluffy.
- Spread on cake / fruit / directly into your mouth.
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